Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
