wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
