Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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