i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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