Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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