am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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