I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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