I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
