Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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