He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
