we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize