I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
