A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize