I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
