i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
