I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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