Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
