shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
