Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just high enough for therapy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
