hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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