i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
