That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
