some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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