My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
