i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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