I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
