Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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