I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
