Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
