Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
