I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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