My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
