i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Vodka?
Forever.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
