it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
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