Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
