I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize