i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
