Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
