one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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