I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's never too late to be topless.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
