My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I want her autograph on my taint
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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