He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
