I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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