i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My apartment stinks of burning failure
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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