just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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