omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
