i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sex in a hospital.. check
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
