evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
