It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
