nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
