we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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