Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
