dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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