weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I forget how to act sober
Randomize