did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
