so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
