You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize