i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We need to rekindle our bromance
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
