just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
