Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
