Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
