I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
