I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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