Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
