she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
