How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize