So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
