What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
