We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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