its not stalking. its research.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
