i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
