Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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