my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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