okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
