I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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