im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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