OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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