Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize