I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize