Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
No subtext here. People are naked.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
