I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
