So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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